Every day the following letter to you, you, you kept hovering before me. When we said good-bye I only asked for two words. But I have not received even one kind word. The Countess sends me a womanly handshake. Well, at any rate that is something pleasant to hear; and for that I kiss her hands in thought. But the poet is silent. About Amilie I know at any rate that she is alive –– Every day I blow myself up for not having got to know you sooner at Tepliz. It is dreadful to see and know what is good for such a short time and then to lose it again immediately. Nothing is more disagreeable than to have to reproach oneself for one’s own faults. Let me tell you that I shall vary probably stay on here until the end of this month. Do let me know how long you are remaining at Dresden. Indeed I should like to hop over to the capital of Saxony. On the very same day on which you left Teplitz I received a letter from my gracious and musical Archduke saying that he was not staying in Moravia for long and that he was letting me decide whether I should go to him or not. Well, I put the best construction on this in accordance with my intentions and desires; and that is why you see that I am still here within the walls where I sinned so grievously against you and against myself. Even if you call it sinning, still I console myself with the thought that in any case I am a proper sinner and not quite a wretched one –– My room-mate got lost today; and so I could not claim his company. All the same I miss him here in the solitude of this place, at any rate in the evenings and at our midday meal, when I prefer to partake in company of the food which the human animal must absorb in order to produce what is abstract and spiritual – Well, live as happily as is possible for our poor human race. Give the Countess a very tender but respectful handshake, give Amalie a very passionate kiss, provided there is no one to see us; and we two, you and I, embrace each other as men who can love and honour one another. I am expecting at least one word without any reserve, and chiefly because I can take it.
Beethoven